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[ She tried to imagine being made into someone so unremarkable simply by the nature of the people surrounding her. Being the shadow cast by her own sister, shining and rich, as valuable as fake gold.

Robin would never know the same power or admiration as her brother, but she was meant to be seen even when he wasn't around. Too much, even. Maybe she would've liked to have been able to fade into the background. ]

Secrets inherently bind people together, don't they. Would you have the same relationship if you didn't have to save her from being found out?

I've done it my whole life, so we wouldn't be separated. I agreed to it. Could've stopped it anytime, but I never wanted to be the Crown Princess of Ida. Moot point now. It all came out when I achieved lyctorhood. We couldn't hide it then, and I didn't include her. She's very angry at me. What's the point in dwelling on what could have been?

It forces us to analyze and appreciate what we have now by comparison, I suppose. There is no point in doing it if all it's for is to daydream, though. We're just left in the same place once that daydream is over. How did you react to her anger?

It's fucking ridiculous. The stupidest fucking thing to be angry about, when the reason is as obvious as the fucking sun in the sky. I didn't take her anger seriously. Later, after shit happened and we were separated, I thought about it. It hurt. A lot. She'll eventually get over it, but even if she doesn't, I'd still not use her.

You shouldn't. [ Take it seriously. She agrees. ] But I understand why it would hurt.

[ It takes her a while to continue. ]

How much longer do you think we'll be here, Ianthe?

I don't know. Something is barring me from the River or I'd have left already. I've been here almost an entire First House year. But change is coming. I'll know more then.

For the better, I hope. We've had more than enough torment from this place.

The goal is always worth the cost, Robin. Did you go to that birthday party?

[ Words right out of her cult's mouth. ]

I agree. No.

[ Billy was there. Gross. ]

Did you?

Yeah. My absence would've been noted. Jem's part of my Lord's new family. Best of me to make an appearance. I didn't stay long. Too many people.

I haven't seen him around lately.

[ She won't ask if Ianthe has, or how she feels about that new family these days. If Ianthe speaks about it, she'll listen. ]

I imagine the party came just in time to help them forget about last month's events.

He's been focusing on building the hostel out by the pond. Prospero's been helping. None of us will forget what happened in the caves. But I suppose people will either throw themselves into a sea of people while some of us isolate to ground ourselves.

[ She can only guess how many void-touched will gladly flee from the boarding house for that. ]

Do you meditate?

Not without necromantic assistance. I have a stupifying deficit of attention.

Ah. Some of my siblings could probably relate to that. Would you choose to forget, if you could?

[ She could also think of a sibling who'd gladly do that for her. Erase those memories, even replace them with something nicer. Any excuse to mess with people's minds was welcome. Only the threat of Mother's magic kept that brat in check. ]

No. Memories make us who we are. The soul is malleable, and pain is just a price we have to pay. Besides, I've seen firsthand how it changes a person. I wouldn't trust anyone with such alterations, and I don't care to do it to myself.

Would you feel comfortable talking about that person?

Unfortunately, I'm restricted from talking any further about that. It's a nice thought, though.

[ She was curious about its process and effects, when performed by other people. She'd seen first-hand what her sibling could do to the test subjects, then targeted individuals, but there were so many possibilities. So much potential.

That Becker wasn't here, and she wasn't Mother. She had no reason to care about any of that. ]

I understand.

[It was impossible for Robin to understand what being a Sewn-Tongue meant. Ianthe literally couldn't talk about Harrowhark's lobotomy; she'd been ensorcelled to not speak it and that magic was still in effect in Rubilykskoye. It infuriated Ianthe still. But she was content to let Robin think it was some other reason why she wouldn't talk about it.]

Why did you ask about meditation?

I thought it might help. Not to forget anything that happened, just... to help you have some control over your thoughts, if they become invasive.

I'm sure you didn't intend that as a joke, but it's very funny. "If."

[ Well, ]

I didn't want to assume.

Sometimes it feels like I have more intrusive thoughts than regular ones. Tell you what, Robin: if you have a meditation technique you think will help, I'll try it.

[ Oh, how she understands. ]

I haven't practiced in a while, but I'd be happy to show you. You'll have to give me some time to prepare.

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princess_of_ida - 2024-04-14 21:53 (UTC) - Expand