Grill you? [ A little bit of disbelief in her smile. She remembers the things she said. ] Not at all. Did you get the answers you were looking for, though?
It's just been... a lot of self destructive behaviour. I'm not proud of it. And I know it's because I'm trying to punish myself for what I did in the caves. I hurt people. I hunted people. It was a bad scene.
Because I wasn't human, and I was hungry. And I had to feed my...
[He pauses and taps his fingers against his collarbones to calm down.]
My partner was trapped. Too big to get out of one of the caves. I was smaller, so I'd go hunting and bring back the body to feed him after I drank the blood. Whatever he didn't eat, I'd finish.
It was my fault he was down there with me. It never should have happened.
So. I just... wanted to be punished for that most of all.
[ Her expression falls, losing some of the warmth in her eyes. Gaze lowered, the teacup she'd picked up for a sip is placed back on the table, both hands resting on her lap, one over the other. ]
Were you aware of what you were doing the whole time?
[ The seriousness of Iggy's actions is reflected in her tone, like there's a wrong answer. ]
[He has to think about that, cast his mind back to the caves. When he speaks, it's slowly.]
Sort of. I don't not remember any of it, it's not like I blacked out or anything. I definitely was awake and thinking, but not thinking like I am right now. Everything was a lot more simple. It was just like... I can't remember making a conscious decision to do something abhorrent. I just did it, because it felt necessary for survival.
But I remember it all. And I know I was more with it than my partner.
[ She listens, remains quiet for a moment longer. With a deep, careful breath, Robin continues, peaceful, assuaging any possibility of Iggy thinking he's being condemned. It sounds compassionate, in fact, just like she was taught to do with her brothers and sisters. ]
You should atone for your actions, Iggy. But deciding your own punishment isn't the way.
[ She makes it sound so simple, yet the gentleness in her voice is meant to be encouraging. Finally, she extends her hand over the table, offering to hold Iggy's if he needs some warmth, something to anchor him before his mind starts spiraling. ]
[ She rubs her thumb over his knuckles for a moment. Patiently, Robin gets up without letting him go to make her way to where he's seated, brings his head close to her middle for an embrace. Like a mother and her inconsolable child. ]
Fear is the beginning of every journey, Iggy. It's no stranger to you.
[ Being afraid. Conquering that fear, devouring it to become something terrible and new.
There could be no love without it. Mother made sure her children never forgot that. ]
It will hurt. But know this: what you did isn't unforgivable. Hiding behind indecision and inaction is.
[Iggy feels no shame in pressing his face to Robin, no embarrassment in his tears. It's the first time since he's been back that he feels genuinely like someone understands his feelings. Even the others who were in the caves don't seem to, or to know what he needs.]
Yes. You're right.
[He hugs her tight before he lets go and wipes his eyes.]
I can do this. It's the right thing to do.
I'm not used to hurting people. Death I understand, but physical pain like I inflicted? Not so much.
[ It's such a perfect situation for her; she couldn't have asked for a better person to open up to her and show gratitude for what she has to offer. With a caress down the back of his head, Robin leans down to cup his face and wipe his tears with her thumbs. After a moment, making sure they're looking at each other — seeing each other — she closes the distance to kiss him on the cheek. ]
I know. [ One more gentle touch before she lets go and moves back to her seat. ] It's sad, but pain is a part of life. Even those of us who abhor it are at the risk of hurting others.
[ She's quiet for a moment. ]
What was it that you told me once? 'The mind of the all is the womb of the universe'?
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[Honest as ever.]
So! You wanted to grill me about my nosiness or something?
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All answers are good answers.
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Oh, I thought I had mentioned... existential crisis combined with genuine curiosity. I like knowing how people think.
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[ She picks up one teacup with the saucer, hands it over to Iggy. ]
I thought there could've been something more specific than that. Like something had happened.
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Thank you.
Oh. No, no. More like... a bunch of somethings. Mostly bad, a few good. I've not been very good about communicating lately.
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[Simple.]
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Remember what you just said?
[ I've not been very good about communicating lately. It's a soft nudge. ]
You know you can talk to me.
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It's just been... a lot of self destructive behaviour. I'm not proud of it. And I know it's because I'm trying to punish myself for what I did in the caves. I hurt people. I hunted people. It was a bad scene.
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Why did you hurt them, Iggy?
cw: more cannibalism wahoo
[He pauses and taps his fingers against his collarbones to calm down.]
My partner was trapped. Too big to get out of one of the caves. I was smaller, so I'd go hunting and bring back the body to feed him after I drank the blood. Whatever he didn't eat, I'd finish.
It was my fault he was down there with me. It never should have happened.
So. I just... wanted to be punished for that most of all.
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Were you aware of what you were doing the whole time?
[ The seriousness of Iggy's actions is reflected in her tone, like there's a wrong answer. ]
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Sort of. I don't not remember any of it, it's not like I blacked out or anything. I definitely was awake and thinking, but not thinking like I am right now. Everything was a lot more simple. It was just like... I can't remember making a conscious decision to do something abhorrent. I just did it, because it felt necessary for survival.
But I remember it all. And I know I was more with it than my partner.
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You should atone for your actions, Iggy. But deciding your own punishment isn't the way.
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[Honestly he's relieved to be told that he did wrong, that he needs to pay for it.]
Then how?
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[ She makes it sound so simple, yet the gentleness in her voice is meant to be encouraging. Finally, she extends her hand over the table, offering to hold Iggy's if he needs some warmth, something to anchor him before his mind starts spiraling. ]
Then ask them how you can earn their forgiveness.
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You're right. It's so obvious, that's what I should have done immediately, but...
[He starts crying.]
I was scared. God forgive me but I was s-so scared.
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Fear is the beginning of every journey, Iggy. It's no stranger to you.
[ Being afraid. Conquering that fear, devouring it to become something terrible and new.
There could be no love without it. Mother made sure her children never forgot that. ]
It will hurt. But know this: what you did isn't unforgivable. Hiding behind indecision and inaction is.
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Yes. You're right.
[He hugs her tight before he lets go and wipes his eyes.]
I can do this. It's the right thing to do.
I'm not used to hurting people. Death I understand, but physical pain like I inflicted? Not so much.
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I know. [ One more gentle touch before she lets go and moves back to her seat. ] It's sad, but pain is a part of life. Even those of us who abhor it are at the risk of hurting others.
[ She's quiet for a moment. ]
What was it that you told me once? 'The mind of the all is the womb of the universe'?
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